Sorry I've been massively MIA lately. It's no coincidence that I disapeared after getting that cricut. I've been scrapping away. I also bought a cuttlebug a week or 2 ago so I'm going a bit scrap crazy.
It's great therapy for the difficulties we're facing at the moment. This Thursday, the 27th would have been my due date for the baby we lost last Nov. And to add insult to injury, it'll be marked by yet another failed cycle. Nice little reminder of how I'm definitely not pregnant, let alone holding a newborn.
I really struggle with the fairness of it all. I may have already said. But it's so hard when you see all the fertile mertles around you. Perhaps they've had their struggles as well. Or struggle in different areas. But it's tough when it seems to come so easily to others. WHY is it so hard for us?
But then I remember that God has the whole world in his hands. He hasn't forgotten us. He knows exactly what we want and how badly we want it. But He in his infinite wisdom has a better plan. And He works all things for our good. Sounds like a whole bunch of cliche quotes but they really comfort me. They relieve the anger and bitterness, even if only for a moment. I need to keep these thoughts at the forefront of mind at all times, I guess.
Maybe that's the reason for all of this. Who knows.
Anyways, I spoke with my doctor and he said Heartland Fertility Clinic might not see me if I'm still breastfeeding. I got all worked up. I mean. It's only once per day! But I called them and they were fine with it. Not only that, but apparently I was already a patient there from last time! So instead of waiting 6 months to get in, June 2nd I have my first appointment with an RE. Hooray! I already had some basic bloodwork done. All seems fine so far. But there's a whole lot more to look for. I have an ultrasound June 14th and I'm sure my husband will be getting a battery of tests done as well. I'm just glad to have the show on the road. Wondering what's wrong with us is the hardest part. Even if it's not fixable, some answers would be nice.
Until then, pray or send good thoughts if you can. My heart goes out to anyone else dealing with the same. :(